I have considered that I royally fucked up. Regret reminds me that I am a whole human who made mistakes. I blamed myself for everything that has failed between us. Why would I pull away from someone who truly loves me? Why was love so difficult for me to manifest?              But I’ve had some time to reflect since then..                                                                                  I remember all the times I had been manipulated.                                                                           I remember every unborn child I lost along the way.                                                                                    I remember all the secrets I trusted you with that you used against me.                                                     I remember how uncomfortable you were with every connection I had.                                                  I remember being put out on the curb, forced to leave my daughter & scared to fight back.           I remember feeling isolated and alone.                                                                                            I disregarded my intuition… I lost my sense of reality.                                                                     I lost myself. 

Who did I think I was? Always trying to change myself to keep someone around.. Holding onto dreams of other people, morphing into who they needed me to be. Always resisting against my true self and that is why this never worked.                                                                              What would our life be like if we were husband and wife? More loneliness, insecurity and anger?  I am happy to no longer be chained to this dream with you. Although this was the biggest heartbreak of my life, I can thank you for pushing me out. I would probably still be there wondering how much more I could bend myself for love.  I’ve evolved since I grew away from your shine and I’ve blossomed since I planted in my own garden. Days can go by without me obsessing over what could have been.                                                                                       This is me letting you go. 

This is about pursuing the life I want without needing somebody by my side while I do it. This is about me being the love of my life. It’s time I grow under the sun and not under anybody’s thumb. I can be everything I was ever searching for. This is about me being ready to embrace new energy, to lean into uncertainty, to push outside my comfort zone. This is my decision to move forward even with scars.