We all know moms want happy healthy children and thriving households. Regrettably many of us look up to find that we have run ourselves into the ground in the name of holding it together. We find ourselves exhausted, short on patience, dissatisfied, and resentful. I cannot imagine anything positive or redeeming that can come from parenting that way.

Children mimic behaviors they see. Would we want our kids to mimic our lack of self respect or self awareness? Teaching our families how to take care of themselves to someday leave the nest as intelligent well adjusted self respecting adults is by having them witness our pride and self care. Let’s be the parents of children who go out into the world with knowledge of self , the ability to work well with others, and a sense of belonging.

I’ll share with you some elements that are (still) helping me prioritize self care as a busy single mother.

First thing, edit your thoughts. Our ego and our friends and family might have an impact on how we experience self care. There’s a voice in our head that says we should feel guilty or shameful for putting ourselves first. We were not taught to balance taking care of ourselves and our responsibilities. It seems as though you can choose only one thing. Also, many of us are products of parents who didn’t trust anyone in the “village”. They didn’t ask for help. They didn’t seek therapy. They left us home alone at times and gave us the responsibility of taking care of our siblings. Was there much room left for understanding ourselves, hanging with like minded individuals, or having hobbies? We can change that. We can recondition ourselves to seek the village that will support us, encourage us and help us raise our families. Every single thought that comes to mind when we think about prioritizing ourselves is not always correct. Filter those thoughts. Remind yourself why this is important; you want to offer a loving, well rested, calm, enriched environment for your family. This is how you will get everything you want in your life and how you would be able to give your family what they need.

After that, get back to basics. Self care takes on different forms for moms in all walks of life. Single moms, married moms, military moms, 3 job moms, non working moms… we all have different needs. You should be analyzing and addressing your own needs as often as needed. In the meantime, start with the obvious but overlooked health and grooming basics. Eat well, exercise , wash your hair, take care of your skin , brush and floss, clean your home, etc. Practice compassion with yourself before you judge yourself or allow others to. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have.

Then , strengthen your connection to self through God. Whomever or whatever is your guide, remember the importance of having moral compass. What values and principles do you stand on? What’s your North Star? I felt more grounded when I started defining my values. My vision for my future became clearer and I am not easily distracted by anything that doesn’t align with it. God supports whatever you’re doing to evolve, you will never be doing this alone.

Finding your connection to self was an important step because now you can define your baseline habits. Sometimes the first thing we think of is buying new things, completely changing our wardrobe, or traveling away from the day to day hustle. All of that is valid and necessary as part of this balance, but the reality is that we can’t all start there. Let’s start with baseline habits that are generally easy to maintain. Going to the gym, saving money, reading books, eating clean, date nights with your partner, a night out with friends. Also consider habits you could stop indulging in. As you are planning, ask yourself does this habit align with my authentic self? Will I return to my family refreshed and fully present in the moment ? Would this habit bring me closer to my future goals? Yes. Add to calendar!

This next element is more of a motto I’ve adopted; If my answer is not “hell yeah”, then it’s a “no”. You are learning to treat yourself better. You’re learning to take care of yourself and your family better. Please don’t fall backwards into stretching yourself thin again. What you want to do now is make decisions with thought and intention. If it’s not aligned with what you want to do. If it doesn’t actually feel right, you can say no. You can hold off on doing something until it does feel right. Better yet, you can ask for help! Remember our babies are looking up to us. Show them what setting healthy boundaries look like. Show them to listen to their bodies and minds when it says “I’m tired”. Let them know it’s ok to say no or to ask for help.

Lastly, remember that compromise is always possible. Your family will experience ebbs and flows. Sometimes your responsibility to your family ranks at 80% while their contribution is 20%. It can be flipped on the other hand as well. Kept it in perspective. Be willing to compromise and work with what you have. Don’t miss the moments that matter with your family by serving only yourself. Do not let the life you wish you have keep you from enjoying the life you do have. Self care only becomes selfish when you think this is only about you. Your family needs you as much as you need them. The goal is that you’ll be at such a manageable emotional baseline that you’ll happily take on the challenge and also just as happily trust others to meet you where you are in order to help.

With love as usual💕

Ashley